(no subject)

Today's post:


I don't know, I will have to see how the hydro bill fares without the fans on and I may have to cave and turn the heat on ;_;

Or take up exercise to avoid becoming a popsicle XD  

It Has To Be Personal

Yesterday I was scheduled out front. I was really excited because I don't get to work out front very often, and it was my day off, I was doing them a favour.

As soon as Brad came in the door, he switched me back to the kitchen. 

I wasn't behind in my work.
The kitchen wasn't behind. 
My uniform was clean and brand new.
My hair was done up appropriately.

So what is it?

And it's not the first time either. If I go out and help run things when we are busy, he will tell me to trade off with someone and while I could before justify 'well maybe they need me back there on line or something' today, I can't justify it. I was supposed to be at home, in bed, curled up with some good fanfic.

It has to be personal.

If it's not my skills, or my uniform, then I can only conclude it's the one thing that makes me different to everyone else. I'm heavy. Yes, I am starting to think that is what's going on. No I didn't say it outright to Natalie, I just danced around the subject, but what else could it be at this point? I am damn good at my job, so it is not that. And that is all that should matter.


I never actually use this journal for journaling anymore.

It's kind of funny that way. I'm not even sure anyone would read it if I did, lol.

I use this journal to sign up for RP games, and I use it to comment or post on customers suck. I use it to join communities, but I don't generally keep a journal.

I really need to start keeping one.

It's hard though, to use a journal, keep to it...these days when writing words has all but left me, when I barely comprehend the English language at times, it's real hard. But I should be keeping a journal. I can't seem to write it out anymore than I can type it, and much of my time is spent here at my laptop. I expect, when I start therapy, it may be a requirement, although by then I may be too far gone to worry about it.

I am terrified of what will happen when I go.

When I tell the doctor what I am experiencing, will he give me meds? Have me committed? The meds I am on now are alright, but don't antipsychotics fuck with your memory?

I am barely functional these days. Things are so mixed up in my mind. This isn't about my past, my future, or the present. Something is wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it. 

I feel like quoting Sora.

Is any of this for real? Or not....

Thoughts :)

I have to get back into the swing of posting again XD

So what's going on in the computer world for me? Well I've decided to catch up to Bleach which means I need to rewatch it. It was that, Naruto or One Piece and Ver said Bleach so Bleach it is XD I am hoping to be caught up by November. 

I also have to work on my Blind Go Entry, it's due on the 19th or the 20th and I have not yet started.

IRL I'm moving again for November. XD MAL is going well enough, I am all caught up on FMA, Hetalia and Haruhi. I should work on catching up on others. In between Bleach eps I guess.


HETALIA MEME! (Do it, do it, do it)

Axis Powers

North Italy (Vargas Feliciano)
[x] You were bullied a lot in your childhood
[x] You adore pasta, pizza, cheese, and fruit
[] You're very happy-go-lucky
[] You constantly have a dozy look on your face as if you're always away with the fairies
[] You have a long curly strand of hair that always tends to stick up
[] You're a good artist
[x] You can be clumsy
[x] You have a friend you always depend upon if you mess up something
[] If your life was in danger, you would do the typical Italian thing and say: "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I HAVE RELATIVES IN YOUR COUNTRY!"
[x] You would surrender in a war situation

Germany (Ludwig)
[x] You're very stoic and serious
[] Sausages are your favorite foods
[] You like to walk dogs/your dog [don't have dogs, more of a cat person anyway]
[x] Your boss/principal/tutor/home-room teacher is a nut-case
[] You love rules and think they should always be followed to
[x] You think the world would be better if everyone played by the rules
[x] You work very hard... too hard
[x] Your alone time is your 'happy time'
[] You can appear tough but be very considerate towards people
[x] You've had issues with money once or twice

Japan (Kiku Honda)
[x] You're very mature
[x] You think everything over before saying it
[x] You believe in ghosts but aren't phased by the experience when you see one
[x] You isolated yourself during childhood
[] You became very successful in a short amount of time
[x] You are somewhat inexperienced when it comes to the outside world
[x] You can seem cold/aloof to other people
[x] You're good at practical tasks
[x] You need time to adjust to new people
8/9 [I dunno what happened to the 10th one..]

The Allies

The United States of America
[x] You love hamburgers
[] You think you're awesome
[] You love to invent things
[x] You love going to the cinema/watching films/making films
[] You can seem to be very brash to other people
[] You have a tendency to stick your nose into other peoples' business
[] You're terrified of ghosts
[] You know aliens exist
[] You tend to wear a bomber jacket all the time
[] You wear glasses

The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland)
[x] You like tea
[] You were quite tough and troublesome as a kid
[x] You're very sarcastic and cynical
[] Your cooking is awful
[x] You love spiritual magical stuff, such as fairies, ghosts...
[] ...But you refuse to believe in aliens.
[] You have tried doing black magic before
[] You get drunk quite easily
[] When you are drunk, you tend to be very unhappy
[] You're good at embroidery

France (Francis Bonnefoy)
[] You're very affectionate
[] You think you have a great fashion sense
[] You like wine
[] You're the master of whispering romantic things into peoples' ears
[] You love red roses
[] When it comes to l'amour, you don't mind men or women
[] You're very proud of yourself
[x] You love culture and the arts
[] You're very flamboyant
[x] You say you're a gourmet

Russia (Ivan Braginski)
[] You had a very sad childhood
[x] You're very tall
[] You have a tendency to switch between personalities
[] You wear a scarf all the time
[x] You love sunflowers
[x] You love vodka
[] You can seem intimidating to other people
[x] You're very strong
[] You have a big nose
[] You have a strange laugh that can scare people

China (Wong Yao)
[x] You're very mature
[x] You're very superstitious
[x] You're very religious
[x] You love pandas
[x] You love cooking so much that you nag if food has a certain pattern of tastes
[x] You love Hello Kitty
[x] You try to be a role-model for your brothers/sisters/whatever, but are never taken seriously
[x] You work hard
[] You're good at drawing
[x] You like sweets

And now for some other countries!

Austria (Roderich Edelstein)
[x] You are very well-raised
[x] You're polite
[x] You love classical music
[x] You like cake
[] You have a mole on your face
[x] You dedicate your time to your hobbies rather than what needs to be done right away
[x] You are a virtuoso/play very well on at least one instrument
[x] You've composed music before
[x] You tend to call people 'morons'
[] You wear glasses

Canada (Matthew Williams)
[x] You're often ignored by people
[x] You look younger than you actually are
[x] You love hockey
[x] You love polar bears
[x] You hate fighting
[x] You have one strand of curly hair, like Italy
[] You often get mistaken for someone else
[x] You feel under-appreciated
[x] You're bilingual
[] You always carry a bear with you

[] You smoke
[x] You're very physically strong
[] You've won a lot of fist-fights
[] In your social circle, there are two brothers - you get along with one, but not with the other
[x] You have very strong emotions about a variety of topics
[] You like hot weather
[x] You can be very friendly from time to time
[x] You look very tough on the outside
[x] You make a very nice role-model
[] You don't let people get a word in edgewise

Hungary (Erszebet Hédeváry)
[x] You have a potty-mouth
[] You like to wear flowers in your hair
[] You used to be a very tough kid
[x] You're very reliable
[x] It's better to have you as a friend rather than an enemy
[x] You're very faithful
[x] Your speech and mannerisms can be considered very unladylike
[] You and your best friend go together like chalk and cheese
[x] You are graceful one moment and grinning like a maniac the next
[x] If someone yells that yaoi is going on somewhere, you will drop everything to run off to go and see it

Lithuania (Toris Lorinaitis)
[] You're very loyal
[x] You feel like your best friend drags you around a lot, but you both have a great time together
[] You're very serious
[x] You have a lot of patience
[x] You think too much about philosophical stuff
[x] You get depressed when questioning the point of existing/the universe, etc...
[] You're not very confident
[] You were quite rebellious as a child
[] People tend to walk all over you
[x] You're a born worrier

Poland (Feliks Lukasiewicz)
[] You're very flamboyant
[] You're quite hyperactive
[x] You can be quite goofy
[] When you're depressed, you tend to rise out of it like a phoenix
[x] You're very wary of strangers
[x] It takes you ages to come out of your shell
[x] However, when you're used to someone, you're very chatty
[x] You're very forceful and stand at one end of the argument when it comes to your opinions
[] You love pansies and corn-poppies
[] You get up to lots of crazy antics

Prussia (Gilbert Weillschmidt)
[] You're quite mean-spirited
[] You're a bit of a hooligan
[x] You're very loyal
[x] You're very good at tactics
[] You hate Russia
[] You love to fight people
[] You can avoid marriages quite well
[x] You're not always taken seriously
[] You like drinking
[x] You want to become stronger

My results:

North Italy - 5/10
Germany - 6/10
Japan - 8/9
USA - 2/10
UK - 3/10
France - 2/10
Russia - 4/10
China - 9/10
Austria - 8/10
Canada - 8/10
Cuba - 4/10
Hungary - 7/10
Lithuania - 5/10
Poland - 5/10
Prussia - 4/10

Weekly Goals (week 3)

Carried over:
Read up to Chapter 20 in Nabari no Ou
Catch up to the mangafox point for Zombie Loan
Finish This Ugly Yet Beautiful World (7 episodes)
Finish the first two chapters of the FMA AU

Yeesh didn't get much done XD

New Goals:

Watch Soul Eater up to episode 30 (8 episodes)

Weekly Goals (week 2)

I actually accomplished stuff last week XD Go me!

Carried over:
Read up to Chapter 20 in Nabari no Ou
Catch up to the mangafox point for Zombie Loan

New Goals:
Finish W~Wish (8 episodes)
Finish This Ugly Yet Beautiful World (7 episodes)
Finish the first two chapters of the FMA AU
Watch Soul Eater up to episode 25 (8 episodes)
Select online courses for the summer

Weekly Goals (week 1)

Stuff I really gotta get done so I have to put them somewhere XD

This week:

Finish Aria (4 episodes)
Finish rewatching Death Note (12 episodes)
Catch up to Zombie Loan manga on mangafox
Start the FMA AU for the Brave New Worlds contest
Sort through a new tote to get rid of a lot of my stuff
Read ten chapters of Nabari no Ou
Finish Loveless (4 episodes)